Moving On Sucks

Hey Beautiful One,

It has been a while...I'm sorry that I've been gone. I have this problem with not showing up. It's an issue and I am seeing it for what it is. It's so much easier to not show up. Isn't that crazy? I choose fear over love. I know what you're probably thinking. What does a blog have to do with love? What does any of what I do have to do with love? That very question is the problem.

First an update! I MOVED! It's such a special aesthetic I've been able to create. The vines with black roses always make me feel like I am home.

This is my new sanctuary and it was a tough transition. Sometimes you meet people in life and you get every warning in the world to stay away, but you don't listen. Sometimes you meet people that are meant to teach you a lesson. Sometimes you try to fit in where you don't belong. I've been chasing after things and people that were never MINE. After so much time I found myself alone in a group full of people. Do you know that feeling? That feeling when you realize that you have joined something that could never truly grow your soul? It's amazing what God can show you when you're broken and FINALLY willing to listen, but moving on sucks so much!

It's not just people that make it hard, it's habits too! I stopped drinking! Stay away from sex too! My life has been so full of vanity! So full of myself! I have been hanging on to myself so hard because I'm here in black and white, ya know? It's hard to show up when I can't see the path in front of me. I've been procrastinating for far too long. I'm so used to rejection that it has become a way of life, a way of thinking. I owe you, yes you, an apology.

Our gifts are born from love. God is love. Our gifts are meant to be shared. Love is meant to be shared. I've been holding back my gifts, which means I have been withholding love that you need. That's the thing that God has done to my mind. He showed me what it means when love is the center of life and not myself. You can hold on to your pride out of fear of experiencing something so much deeper or you can take the leap. Take a chance that your gifts will take you across worlds to reach people that need to hear your voice. Yeah, it may not make you any money and yeah, it may not put your name in lights, but it could change someone's entire day.

Moving on sucks! Letting go hurts! It's scary when you move away from what you thought was keeping you safe and you start giving in to what actually keeps you safe. It's a vulnerable time and it won't be easy. I'm asking you to show up because from now on I'm asking myself to show up.

I saw a meme that said this:

"Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. Choose your hard. Obesity is hard. Being fit is hard. Choose your hard. Being in debt is hard. Being financially disciplined is hard. Choose your hard. Communication is hard. Not communicating is hard. Choose your hard. Life will never be easy. It will always be hard. But we can choose our hard. Choose wisely."

In this life our job is to show up, so show up. Even when you can't feel it, when you can't see it, when you're sad, when you're happy, just show up. You have no clue who's watching.

Welcome back and welcome to my Thoughts on a Tuesday.

I want you to keep your head up, be encouraged, and know that you are loved. You are a member of the Free World: a world without shame, without fear, a world where being who YOU are is expected. Be patient with yourself because everything is a process. Remember life is a marathon not a sprint. You'll make it through this week!