Anger

I've allowed myself to feel, deeply. One month meant more to me than two years and it's over. We beat ourselves up, tell ourselves that we shouldn't have let our walls down, we crucify ourselves, and the result is a rant on social media of harsh words that we don't really mean. So instead I'm telling myself to breathe.

These moments of pain are crossroads, you can choose to go left, right, backwards, or forwards. What's your normal response? Do you watch their social media? Stare at old photos? Relationships are challenging and hard not because you see the darkness in someone else but because you are forced to face your own.

I'm mad at myself for letting myself feel. I'm angry for allowing someone else to see that kid who just wants to fit in but never will. Normally I would find a reason to be angry towards the person but not today. Darkness and anger don't get to win unless I choose for it to be that way. Instead I am choosing to accept my darkness, I am allowing myself to look in the mirror and pierce the dark with the light of hope.

I'll throw my anger into what is just and what is right. I won't go back to a life of recklessness when I've come so far. Mistakes are ALWAYS made but true love, real love, it just...it fights on.

With or without, beyond the shadow of doubt, I'll no longer play victim to anger, pain, heartbreak, nor any other source of anything that tries to dim my light. Anger WILL NOT win today.