Quarantine

I have the flu, hence the name of this post but there's something else that idle time gives you. I used to say that an idle mind is the devil's playground but what if your mind was tuned into God's frequency?

God...

I used to be so ashamed and frightened to say that I love Him. I used to be so negative and worry about every little detail of my life but last night when they told me I couldn't work for 5 days I didn't panic. Oh yeah, quick sidebar, I work for Disney so taking that many days off is somewhat frowned upon.

I did something I've never really done. I looked at the nurse and said, "Okay." I text my best friend and told her that God allowed this to happen for a reason so I will trust Him. I didn't panic and I didn't worry; I simply prayed.

That's the thing. I've been confident in myself before, I've even been confident in people before, but I have never taken the time to be confident in Him. I'm human, I've let myself down plenty of times and people have let me down plenty of times. It's like my Grandmother used to say, "but God." He has NEVER failed me.

I have turned my back on Him. I have loved the wrong people, trusted the wrong sources, and given my life to darkness but He never left. I have tried to live my life MY way, failed, and yet He has held out His hand to pick me up. So as I sit here coughing my lungs out, feeling like a bus ran me over, I will shout:

I will never again be ashamed to proclaim the love of Christ in my heart and in my life. I am a free mind because of Him and it's because of Him that I am alive. I live a GOD FIRST life, His needs will ALWAYS come before my own.

And if there's anyone in my life who can't accept that I'm sorry that I'm not sorry. I've been through the ringer of life so much at 25 years old that serving God is the ONLY option. I'm a citizen of the Free World, a world without fear, a world without shame, a world where being who you truly are is accepted. This is the life I choose and I accept whatever life anyone else chooses for themselves. But as for me, I'll pick Him every single time.