Growing Pains

Hello Beautiful One,

I know it's late but I am here to talk to you tonight. How are you? Have you asked yourself how you're doing? It is so important to check in with yourself. I know how crazy that sounds but it is the best feeling. I mean, if you're like me, you spend so much time checking in on others. Maybe, just maybe, it's time you start checking in with yourself. Some of the best advice I have given I am now giving myself. This journey to healing is work, but it has become the most rewarding experience of my life.

Today was a good day. Can you believe I just said that? I was the most present I have ever been. I was in every moment and not stuck in my head playing through scenarios. I only have two instances of overthinking! Just two! Becoming mentally clear and emotionally stable is happening, but it does come at a price. Think of a seed, we all know that fruits and veggies started as seeds. But, I want you to think about the concept that is a seed. The growth of a seed comes from within and it must break through its shell to connect to good soil in order to grow. It must find its nourishment, but it has to first break through.

Not a good enough visual? Okay.

Consider a rocket. When it takes off from the platform it has to detach from that platform. When it reaches a certain point in the atmosphere it has to detach its thrusters. Are you seeing what I am saying? On this journey to healing, on this path to growth, I find myself apologizing for things I thought I never would. I see myself standing against the status quo when normally I would do my best to match the room. I see myself consider the implications of my words. As I go deeper into meeting myself, I have begun to give the 5 year old me a much needed vacation from the steering wheel behind my life and allowing my greater sense of self that's rooted in love to take his seat behind the wheel.

What does this mean?

Trauma reactions are lessening and love responses are taking their place, but in taking a stand for love and grace there's some hurt there too. I take no pleasure in stepping away from people, places, and things that no longer fit my path. Much like a seed leaving behind its shell to stretch towards the Sun, purpose has to be served. You are going to have a set of choices to make. You can allow the trauma you to react or you can let the love you respond. You have the greatest source of love to give behind all of your anger and bitterness, but to let go is where the growing pains start. Those places you used to go aren't going to appease your senses like they used to. Those things you were into aren't going to fill the void. And unfortunately, some loved ones aren't going to match your soul.

And that hurts...it hurts to outgrow...but it's necessary because you are that much closer to purpose. You are that much closer to healing. You are that much closer to mental stability and like Jesus carried the Cross, you have to pick yours up too. The deeper you meet yourself, the deeper you dive into love, the greater the sacrifice, and the more fulfilling the life you lead. I'm saying this all to say, even when it hurts, even when understanding towards your journey is scarce, please, keep going.

I have tried to live life in many ways, but this one has proven to yield results that have begun to take me deeper into love and further towards my purpose. You will be misunderstood. You will be shunned. You will be outcast, but what you will attract will astound you. You will attract peace. You will attract love. You will attract grace. You will find yourself surrounded by the Free World, our world, and you will flourish.

I want you to keep your head up, be encouraged, and know that you are loved. You are a member of the Free World: a world without shame, without fear, a world where being who YOU are is expected. Be patient with yourself because everything is a process. Remember life is a marathon not a sprint. You'll make it through this week!