I NEED To Control

Hello beautiful one,

I'm spending a weekend away from all of the chaos and gathering my thoughts. I feel like every now and then (broke or not) you just have to take time off to relax/reset. It also helps to have a significant other with nice parents to send for you but that's beside the point. So here's another analogy of life: life is like the body: constantly growing and changing and catching us off guard. You never really know what's coming, even if you're good at taking care of it.

That last line leads us to the topic of today's post: I need to control everything. It's a problem that therapy is helping me with. Life has been crazy. Ups and downs have happened but when I used to look over it I felt as if there were more downs than ups. I spent everyday creating a habit of trying to control the outcomes and when I couldn't there was an irrational fear of what could happen. Isn't that weird?

The mind has such an interesting way of compensating for the world around us. We see problems and do our due diligence to answer its call but it's not always the answer we need. I'm a Ravenclaw so naturally my first move is to think and create, but what I have created is a pattern behavior that no longer suits this self love journey. A while back I remember seeing this prayer written on a notepad at a local university professor's desk:

God,

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Amen.

Weird right? The thought of that. The profound realization that someone came up with that prayer simply because they realized that there are aspects of life that can't be controlled. We live in a controlled society. I can control your view of me by the pictures I post. I can control my relationship status, my happiness level, my political views, I mean everything. Nothing is organic, that's why we type instead of talk.

In my chaotic life where I couldn't control the outcome I have created a behavior that attempts to control the outcome even in conversation; even people.

We all know, our souls tell us, when a behavior trait doesn't fit our new progression of life. In this walk to a better me, it just doesn't work anymore. Life is an organic living thing. It's like water. So here is my challenge for you this week:

Accept the things you cant change.

Change the things you can.

&

Learn to know the difference.

I have decided to give more and more control back to God. No matter what you believe in, we all belong to something greater. We spend too much time trying to be an approximation instead of allowing ourselves to flow. It reminds me of the Avatar: The Last Airbender episode where Aang is trying to master the Avatar State. His chakra was blocked by the attachments that he was so desperate to hold onto and the mistakes he held onto as well. I'm asking you to flow, like water, and give yourself your best chance to live a life with meaning beyond words.

Keep your head up, be encouraged, and know that you are loved. You are a member of the Free World: a world without shame, without fear, a world where being who YOU are is expected. Be patient with yourself because everything is a process. Remember life is a marathon not a sprint. You'll make it through this week!

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