Do You Need To Pause?

Hi Beautiful One,

I have to say being consistent with these new ventures is so tough for me. You would think with all of the ambition I have I would put in the work! Sometimes when I get home, I just want to do nothing and play video games. It's hard being so intentional all the time. Everything that I desire is HARD WORK and that's exhausting. If it's not my weight loss journey, it's my connections, and let me tell you I am not good with connections.

I come from a dysfunctional life and family. I am so scared to say that on a public forum, but it's the truth. There are so many issues and past abuses that I am working through at 29 years old. What's crazy is that healing isn't linear so I have to accept that I am healing but can still be triggered. I was triggered by my best friend over the weekend. I mean, really triggered. We got into it so hard. At one point we weren't even listening to understand, we were listening to respond! I was so caught up in my own anger that I couldn't see how much we both cared. I began to have flashbacks of family situations where yelling is all that happened. Then, I did something that shocked me to the core. I text back one word: PAUSE.

She and I have this rule like Marshal and Lily from How I Met Your Mother. If things get heated one of us says PAUSE. Whoever calls the pause then asks the recipient a few questions:

- How long would you like the pause to be? (nothing over a day)

- What would you like to talk about in the meantime to come back together?

- Do you need this time alone or together?

How functional is that?! How emotionally mature is that?! I know it may not seem like much to you but I'm telling you it changed our entire conversation. Before I knew it, we were apologizing and asking about each other's days. Anger turned into love, and love carried itself into further conversation later that evening.

I'm telling you all of this to ask, how often have you just needed a pause? How many times have you needed to just take a breath and step back? How much longer are you going to allow yourself to be overwhelmed by yourself?

You have this responsibility to yourself to give yourself your best shot! This world makes you feel like you have to bust your ass but what if you just need to give yourself more kindness? The Western world has this work until you die mentality, but our world, the Free World is different. We are a generation of generational curse breakers. We are a community saturated in love and functional interactions. You belong to a society that's sole purpose is to celebrate who you are and never pushes you towards who we want you to be. God doesn't make mistakes and He sure as hell didn't make you to live in a state of chaos.

Take a step back from yourself. Take a breath before responding to that text. Walk away from toxic behavior. Stand up against bullying. Cut off racism where it stands. Hold his hand. Kiss her forehead. Do it afraid. But most of all, when you are at your wits end, PAUSE.

I want you to keep your head up, be encouraged, and know that you are loved. You are a member of the Free World: a world without shame, without fear, a world where being who YOU are is expected. Be patient with yourself because everything is a process. Remember life is a marathon not a sprint. You'll make it through this week!