True North

Hi there Beautiful One,

I have come to enjoy the letter format that I have adopted here. There's something formal about writing (I mean typing it) like this. Last Tuesday my mind was blank on how to address that my mind was blank. I suddenly realized that I was frozen in fear of what to write. Writer's block isn't having nothing to say, it's being frozen by fear to say anything that could possibly mean nothing. How do people do it? Those people who have found their thing and they just do it. I admire people with only one interest, but at the same time I am sure that gets boring.

As you know, I have been spending a lot more time with myself and only myself lately. I wanted to center myself on my inner voice and God's voice without the outside sources. I wanted to see what it is I actually want as opposed to adapting ideas from my close friends and family. It has led me to some scary realizations that I am thinking about right now. I was always the kid who tried something and would stop when it got to hard. So, naturally I consider this when I make a "I don't like this and I don't want to do this anymore" decision.

When I found what I want (well what I believe I want) to do with my life it made sense, but it is scary too. I know what it looks like and I know how to truly visualize it, but I have no clue where to begin. Can we ever really trust the internal compass of our childhood desires to carry us to our destination? I don't dream of work. I don't dream of a career, but a series of monolithic moments that allows me to live life. I don't dream of work...I can't stop saying that. It just makes sense for me. Now of course there are bills and we are adults, so there's a "suck it up and handle business" aspect to life, but in the grand scheme of everything I believe I have found my sense of true north.

And if I am wrong, at least I was brave enough to try. Stepping out there could take years, but isn't that the point. Our gifts can bring us among great men, that's what the Bible says. If we never share it, then we waste our lives in this 9 to 5 scheme that burdens our hearts and weakens our bones. All of this to say, you really won't know what you want until you try the things you've always wanted. Spend time listening to yourself and how these things fulfill you. Induldge in the adventure of finding out what your direction really is.

I have no clue what I am doing, but that doesn't freeze me in fear. It makes me want to try new ways of achieveing it and seeing what works for me. It makes me want to see how driven I can get to see it become a reality in my life. I actually want the hard nights and tough challenges because that'll make getting there so much better. My true north...I like the sound of that.

Remember that you are the main character of your story. You can say no, walk away, and do whatever the hell you want. The only question is: will you?

I want you to keep your head up, be encouraged, and know that you are loved. You are a member of the Free World: a world without shame, without fear, a world where being who YOU are is expected. Be patient with yourself because everything is a process. Remember life is a marathon not a sprint. You'll make it through this week!

You got this! We're in this together!

I love you,

G.E.M. Stone